Old guys thread

[Frank Beck]

Since we have a Millennial thread it seems apropos to have an old guys thread as well.

You youngsters can make fun of our eggplant sized prostates and B cups while we celebrate our wisdom gained from expensive lessons and eager willingness to laugh at ourselves.

I'll start.

You know you're old when you don't re-schedule your colonoscopy after you find out it's on your birthday.

For some here I trust that you've probably spent your birthday passed out, face down while buck naked but I suspect those were different circumstances.


If nothing else consider this a PSA. Go get your exhaust pipe checked if it's been a while.

[trdking]

You know your old when you can have sex or porsche parts for your birthday and you take the parts...

[Frank Beck]

Either/or?
Working with your spouse in the Porsche biz has its perks.

[Frank Beck]

I'm waiting for Tony or Augustine to come out with a hemorrhoid donut built into sport seats. That's a sensible option.

[Peanut]

What's the age requirement for allowance on this thread? Hoping I don't qualify, although the doc says a scope is in my not-so-distant future.

Scott

[Frank Beck]

Scott,
If this is your first violation I hardly think you've earned your stripes. Butt just to make sure please answer yes/no to the following questions pertaining to sleep habits.

1. You take a nap in your favorite chair before you go to bed.

2. Your "internal alarm clock" that wakes you up every morning is actually your bladder (and that's the second or third time it's "gone off" during the night/morning.)

3. When you wake up in the morning everything hurts. Including your hair, (IF you still have some,)

4. Your deep sleep is interrupted by your own flatulence. (Your wife letting a boomer fly doesn't count.)

5. Your vision is blurry until after your first cup of coffee... which is usually by 5:15am.

[tonizzos]

Scott,
If this is your first violation I hardly think you've earned your stripes. Butt just to make sure please answer yes/no to the following questions pertaining to sleep habits.

1. You take a nap in your favorite chair before you go to bed.

2. Your "internal alarm clock" that wakes you up every morning is actually your bladder (and that's the second or third time it's "gone off" during the night/morning.)

3. When you wake up in the morning everything hurts. Including your hair, (IF you still have some,)

4. Your deep sleep is interrupted by your own flatulence. (Your wife letting a boomer fly doesn't count.)

5. Your vision is blurry until after your first cup of coffee... which is usually by 5:15am.

muahahaha i have 4 out of the 5.... but not sure if i am old enough ..... i am surely a classique porsche and not a Type G if this helps

[mfitton]

Scott,
If this is your first violation I hardly think you've earned your stripes. Butt just to make sure please answer yes/no to the following questions pertaining to sleep habits.

1. You take a nap in your favorite chair before you go to bed.

2. Your "internal alarm clock" that wakes you up every morning is actually your bladder (and that's the second or third time it's "gone off" during the night/morning.)

3. When you wake up in the morning everything hurts. Including your hair, (IF you still have some,)

4. Your deep sleep is interrupted by your own flatulence. (Your wife letting a boomer fly doesn't count.)

5. Your vision is blurry until after your first cup of coffee... which is usually by 5:15am.

1. Is the answer still yes if I don't make it to bed?
2. Yes, damn meds!
3. Yes, frozen shoulder, plantar fasciitis, etc. if you have not had these yet, you will!
4. Not yet but also not sure.
5. Yes, eyes blurry all day can never find my glasses, 6 pairs floating around.

Like my Dad used to say: "It Sucks Getting Old".

[Phil Planck]

All of us should fit in one of these categories:

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
5) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions...
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus..
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

How true this one is.

At age 4 success is . … ... Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is ... . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is ..... . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . ... . Having money.
At age 50 success is . .. .. Having money.
At age 70 success is . ... . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is ... ... Having friends.

[Peanut]

I am handsomely qualified in most of Frank's categories. Damn. Not sure I want to qualify so easily.

Scott